Sweet Surrender
by SWaddict1986
Summary: A look into Anakin Skywalker's thoughts over the prequel years. Songifc, set to the song Sweet Surrender by Sarah McLachlan.


**A/N: **Thanks to Fireyforce from the DLC who posted the song (I looked up the lyrics and made very minor changes) and gave me a plot bunny  
Sorry if it kind of sucks a bit. I wrote the songfic before I heard the song. It's also my very first fanfic  
Another thing: Having a 9-year-old using a curse may be a little weird, but remember, Anakin grew up around Hutts, Toydarians, and the like on one of the biggest gangster worlds. He also races in an adult sport and is probably around foul language all the time.

**Disclaimer**: The song "Sweet Surrender" is by Sarah McLachlan. Star Wars also isn't mine, it belongs to George Lucas.

* * *

"And don't look back. Don't look back." 

Those were the hardest directions I've ever had to follow. Watto has told me to do pretty harsh things, but at the end of the day, I knew I could always run to my mom and have her with me. And now she's telling me to not look back.

_It doesn't mean much  
It doesn't mean anything at all  
The life I've left behind me  
Is a cold room_

There wasn't much to pack, but when I was finished, my room looked empty. Even all of the things I've created in my short life seemed lonely without my few clothes thrown on the floor.

I hope mom finds use of my creations. I hope she doesn't feel attached to them, and sells whatever she has to if she needs money. However, I don't want her to sell C-3PO. I hope he can help her.

_I've crossed the last line  
From where I can't return  
Where every step I took in faith  
Betrayed me  
And led me from my home_

Sure, I've always wanted to be a Jedi. I dream I'm a Jedi quite frequently. And I've always known I would have to be separated from mom. I never realized my dreams would clash with my fears and I would have to make a difficult decision.

I'm leaving mom here, all by herself. She's not going to have anyone to keep her company at night. The only being she'll be able to rely on is Watto, and that's not saying much. I'm leaving her to die on this desolate planet while I go out to live a fun, exciting life. It's not fair. I'm breaking her heart.

_And sweet surrender  
is all that I have to give_

I have to listen to her, though. I've never disobeyed her. So I'll keep my eyes on Qui-Gon's back and follow him to his ship.

Where Padmé is.

And I don't hesitate when Qui-Gon tells me to drop. Ah, shavit…what is that _monster_?

_You take me in  
no questions asked  
you strip away the ugliness  
that surrounds me_

Qui-Gon's apprentice, Obi-Wan doesn't seem happy to see that Qui-Gon has taken me away from my home. But I only sense jealousy in that Qui-Gon is paying more attention to me than Obi-Wan.

Here I am, a little boy of nine-years-old and I'm getting in everyone's way. They don't seem to mind though. In fact, I think they're happy to see me here. They're taking me away from gangsters and bringing me to a place where my life can start anew.

_(Who are you?)  
Are you an angel?  
Am I already that gone?  
I only hope  
that I won't disappoint you  
when I'm down here  
on my knees_

It's kriffing _cold_ here. I wish I had never left Tatooine and my mother, and…

And there's Padmé. Gods, she looks so beautiful. I can't believe I asked her if she was an angel. I can't believe I told her that she was beautiful. That's all she needs- a child hitting on her. Especially one who she just met.

Yet she still comes over to me and comforts me. I give her a Japor snippet to give her luck. I know she needs all the help she could get. I wish I could help her. But I'm going to be a Jedi. Maybe when I'm older, more experienced in life, our paths will cross again and she will see that I'm not always going to be a little boy.

_(Who are you?)  
And sweet surrender  
Is all that I have to give  
_

_(Who are you?)  
Sweet surrender  
Is all that I have to give_

Ten years have gone by, and I was right. She doesn't see me as a little boy anymore. I'm a man grown. She's as drawn to me as I am to her. I hated that at first she wished us to deny our feelings, even to each other.

That has changed as well. To not have her in my life would tear me apart. I have to give in to my feelings. I must let the passion control me. I need to surrender to her touch as we complete our wedding vows…

_And I don't understand  
By the touch of your hand  
I would be the one to fall_

"It seems in your anger, you killed her."

No, that…it _can't_…it's not possible! I didn't want to kill her! I was meant to _save_ her! From that very first day in Watto's shop, I would have done everything to not harm her. And Palpatine's saying I _killed_ her?

Oh, Padmé, we were supposed to save each other. You were my final tie to the Light Side. I never thought that you would be the one to make that final push.

_I miss the little things  
I miss everything about you_

I don't know how I'll live. Your smile and laugh haunt every moment, awake or asleep. I dream of your cries of ecstasy during one of the rare times we're together. I remember the way our child kicked when I rubbed your stomach.

Our child…

We were going to be a family. Now your memory haunts me. I'll go through each day, mentally being the machine that I've become.

_It doesn't mean much  
it doesn't mean anything at all  
the life I left behind me  
is a cold room_

_(Who are you?)  
And sweet surrender  
is all that I have to give_

I can never go back to my past life. And I can't kill myself. Palpatine always knows my intentions. The Light Side never beckons to me anymore. It's filled with regret and mistrust. The Dark Side isn't my calling anymore. It's only a job that I do mindlessly.

I am no longer a naïve child. I'm only a slave to hatred. This is my life now.


End file.
